Well dear reader I have stopped shaking from the memory of that first day and I am now ready to address day two of a three day hospital stay. Both urine and morphine are flowing freely and so, though I remain uncomfortable, I am really now feeling more sorry for myself than anything else. When you come down from a previously active lifestyle; one which you love, and are forced into confinement, your attitude has a tendency to deteriorate rapidly. Now, in my practice I was heretofore nicknamed by my patient's as "High Voltage". They named me this because I had a hard and fast rule in my office that there would be no new magazines ever in my waiting room because I was absolutely determined to remain on schedule. I specifically made my waiting area the size of a postage stamp and stocked it with magazines only once- on the day I opened the doors in 1985. The staff were under strict orders never to keep a patient waiting. Should an emergency intervene in this carefully orchestrated ballet, I would present myself to those in the waiting room, profusely apologize, inform the waiting patient's that there was an emergency that I needed to dedicate my time too, estimate their waiting time to the best of my ability and offer them a reschedule. All other patient's on the schedule were called and apprised of the delay so that they could adjust their schedules or re-schedule as necessary. The hospital system was not quite as strict in this regard and, as you are their captive, you remain on their schedule!
Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad if I were not remanded to bed and thus at the total mercy of a benevolent staff. I quickly learned who I could speak to and who would be my ally. I give a great big shout out to Kevin who was my sincere savior. He saw my distress at not having been able to shower and offered to help me with this task. As humbling as this experience was, the sensation of cleanliness is truly a religious experience and one that brings a fuller sense of dignity. As a patient in the hospital you are entitled to this and I would urge that if you take anything away from this entry dear reader it is that you have rights as a patient.
In the hospital you have the right to adequate pain medication. Pain is real, difficult to qualify and quantify except by the person who is wearing it, and it can be a terrific source of stress. Whilst under the care and treatment of medical personnel in the hospital you MUST speak up if you are uncomfortable and in pain. The next thing that is of importance is that you have a right to know what the game plan is and you should be actively engaged in the thought process and the decision making. I know it sounds simple on its face but being a patient in the hospital reduces a person to an almost infantile sense of insecurity and you begin to feel a sense of inadequacy. This should be cast aside and your personality should shine through along with your participation in the process. Last but not least, you have the right to be clean and comfortable. You should never lie in your own filth for any length of time. You are in the hospital to recuperate and recover. This requires your comfort and your comfort is predicated upon your hygiene and your state of mind amongst other things. Most hospital personnel I have been involved with deserve angel wings. There were only a few folks who made my time uncomfortable and I fired them as you should. Brook no personality conflict. You are paying for this treatment!
And so, day two was a procession of visitors, get well cards, bouquets and balloons. Thanks to all of my patient's who sent them! A special thanks goes out to Chris- a particular patient who thought it would be great to send a stripper to my room. Of course, the full force and effect of this little show was completely up-ended by the presence of my wife who was actively gauging my interest in said stripper to the never ending amusement of the hospital staff who saw her coming a mile away. Well, I guess its the thought that counts, right? It certainly lightened the mood anyway... for everyone but me, the red-faced captive who had to pretend not to look because my wife was there to the sheer delight of the bemused staff! Great.
My pains were under control with the IV morphine and day slowly turned to night when the floor fell silent and the visitors- including my wife- slipped away. Being left by yourself- for someone who has abandonment issues- is not a fun thing to experience and I quickly set myself up a master pity party of "Whoa is me". Instead of proactively planning my recovery, I was festering in my own broth. A tidbit here is to never ever let yourself get up in your head! There is no room at the inn for negativism when you are attempting to recover. Find a diversion. Mine was to offer all hospital personnel candy. That way I had a pretty active audience and as long as I could keep interviewing them and ask them abouth their own health issues, and not think about my own problems, I was fine. Sleep came slowly but at last I was at rest and waiting impatiently for the next and final day of incarceration, um, I mean hospitalization.
Until then dear reader, please remember when going into the hospital that you have rights, be an active participant in your care even if your bum is hanging out of your hospital gown and you feel small in your bed. Its your body and it will be your ultimate decision that will take precedence. If there is a complicated task ahead for your surgery, make sure to mark your body with indelible ink marker as to the side or spot that will be worked on. Its not funny and its not a joke. Sometimes mistakes are made. Making a couple of doodles on your body can save you a lot of agony later.
Until next we speak dear reader, I remain yours in perfect health.
Dr. Steven M. Green
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